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For the lonely, unwell and movie-less this holiday season:
November 10, 2021
As of the time I am writing this, it is now November.
I hope everyone is well, I hope all is well. I personally, am not. I am very stressed. First semester has simultaneously been so short and dragging on for so long. I am so sick of it. I am probably going to miss this all lots and lots when I graduate, but for now, I am sick of it. Sick of it, as well as actually sick, with the influenza. I am getting daily doses of Tussin DM Max Cough & Chest Congestion DM Maximum Strength Non-Drowsy to relieve cough and mucus though, so no need to look so worried sick. Again, I don’t want you to be sick, I want you to be well.
But maybe you also are not well, just like me. If this is the case, I’m here as the fun little messenger (5 foot 3.75 inches) with my fun little parcel (it doesn’t have a height, it’s a metaphorical parcel) to let you know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It is twinkling. Not because I am using figurative language to convey the illusory nature of optimism, but because they are Christmas lights.
Yes, it is still yet to be December, and yes, we haven’t seen snow, and yes, biologically, astronomically, astrologically, it is not even winter yet. But in my heart it is. (Awwww)
As my heart continues to embrace winter, we’re starting to see decorations begin collectively and publicly for the Christian-liturgy-turned-commercial-holiday. Already, on Clayton Road, there’s Christmas trees! Thank god (colloquially, not literally) the Supreme Court ruled that Christmas decorations didn’t violate the establishment clause, because without our nationwide Christmasification, how else is our fun (well) little (eh) country supposed to get its annual booms in sales?
But that’s not all! There’s more news to be delivered in my (metaphorical) parcel! Because we are entering such a jolly merry part of our year, obviously and naturally, you must partake in jolly merry activities. But then comes the dilemma: you are not doing well. (Unless you are doing well. In which case, continue doing so.) Finals are approaching. Family is coming in for Thanksgiving. How could you possibly be supposed to muster enough energy to be so jolly and merry?
And you are so right. I can’t have you go out and decorate an entire tree, I won’t have you make a gingerbread house and I’m certainly not going to pull an Anna of Arendelle when you are my Elsa, stuck in her room sulking. So in that case: what is there possibly left to do?
Well, when there’s nothing left, look right. Look right, and you’ll see Christmas movies. You’ve probably already guessed that because it’s written out so blatantly at the top of this story. But I’ll pretend it’s because of your unparalleled ingenuity catching hints that I didn’t even know I dropped — take it as my early Christmas gift. I would’ve gotten you an actual one, but supply chain issues. Late-stage capitalism getting in the way of our everydays, who would’ve expected?
But my long and convoluted and in all honesty, pretty unnecessary (but hopefully necessary in your heart) introduction is over. The metaphorical parcel is getting opened, and to you, I now present the (not my, the) best Christmas movies of all time.
4. “Barbie in The Pink Shoes”
This one is a recent movie. And if you know anything about anything, you know the recent Barbie movies just aren’t as good. Especially here, they landed in kind of an uncanny valley with the animation. Regardless, though, the plot is actually so intense and the evil ice queen is so scary (doubles as a Halloween movie… two-in-one deal!?), this movie should not be for kids. But it is for you. You’ll love it.
3. “Barbie in the Nutcracker”
This is the actual literal first Barbie movie released, so it’s the original of the originals. I miss the original Barbie movies so much. I wish they made them again. The original Barbie movies are all so magical, this one included. And the scenery is so pretty.
2. “Sleepless in Seattle”
This actually isn’t really a Christmas movie, but I love this movie so so so so much it’s my absolute comfort movie and I always watch it in during Christmas season and it’s so fun and romantic in a ‘if this happened in real life it would be very strange and potentially creepy but in this movie world, it’s absolutely perfect, please start playing this in theaters again’ kind of way. (Other movies in this category: “Clueless.”) I also got a book of essays for free from the library, and later found out that it is by the sister of Nora Ephron, who is the DIRECTOR OF “SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE”. Sign from the universe well-taken.
1. “Barbie: A Perfect Christmas”
THIS IS MY FAVORITE MOVIE EVER. I LOVE IT SO MUCH.
Honorable mention: “Barbie in ‘A Christmas Carol'”
This movie is actually so bad. I hated it. But this is the only Barbie movie directly related to Christmas that I didn’t include, so I felt bad. And I’m sure Mr. Charlie Dickens worked really really extra hard on his book about his pretentious and non-green Grinch so give it a watch if you have the time.
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